Friday Sermon by Dr. Rashad Khalifa - Marriage - Importance of Love - Muhammad's Example
Transcript
0:02 ALHAMDULILLAH, praise be to God
0:06 WA ASHADU AN LA ILLHA ILLA ALLAH WAHDAHU LA SHARIKA LAH, and I bear witness there's no god except the One God.
0:13 Our topic today is a very important one, marriage in Islam. God has prescribed for us laws
0:24 to govern the important aspects of our lives and He left a lot of freedom for many other aspects in our lives.
0:33 And we're told that these laws are recommendations or Commandments. They are Commandments because we should do them.
0:46 And they are recommendations because we have the freedom not to do them
0:51 as long as we are ready to pay the price. God tells us in SURAH 10 verse 62
0:59 that if you follow His Commandments, you are guaranteed happiness, perfect happiness in this world
1:06 and tells us in SURAH 21 verse 142 that if you disregard these Commandments, you are guaranteed a miserable life.
1:17 So, it is very important for us to know these laws with regard to every aspect of
1:26 our lives and today I'm going to share with you the commandments dealing with marriage
1:35 There are two requirements that must be fulfilled.
1:40 for two people to get married and these are number one is love and we see this in SURAH 4 verse 24,
1:52 the Arabic is " فَمَا ٱسْتَمْتَعْتُم بِهِۦ مِنْهُنَّ "
1:56 the ones that you like, you get married to. So, love must exist between the two and this cannot happen without
2:11 good acquaintance with the person. You must know the person. You must know his or her habits
2:18 and you must know his or her temper. You must know his or her principles. You just... you must know
2:27 the person. You cannot love a person without knowing that person. So, this calls for a period
2:34 of acquaintance, getting to know each other and then based on that knowledge, you either
2:41 love the person or not and God tells you if you love the person then you get married.
2:50 God says that if this is the person intended for you, God will
2:54 put love in your hearts and this is SURAH 30 verse 21.
3:00 So, the first requirement before ever becoming intimate is love. You must know each other
3:09 very well and you must be in love with each other and God will help you along
3:15 if this is the right person. You don't love the person, that is not the right person for you.
3:23 The second requirement is dowry for the wife and we understand throughout the Quran
3:31 we understand from the Quran that the purpose of the dowry is security for the woman because in
3:39 many cases, you are taking a girl from her parents' house. Then, she becomes dependent on the husband.
3:48 This is the majority of wives in the whole world and you can't just throw her out after a year or two
3:58 because she's not the same person and after what the Quran calls a formidable oath
4:05 has been made between the two of you. So, the purpose of the dowry is security.
4:13 And this can be obtained by writing a contract and pay the dowry in advance or saying that if
4:24 divorce takes place or if the marriage breaks up, then the wife must be given a certain amount
4:31 of money that will provide her security. The Quran is very careful in this respect even where divorce...
4:39 In SURAH 2 verse 240 and 241, we see that divorcees must be given
4:47 alimony or some kind of security. In SURAH 65, the first verse says, very carefully, that you can't
4:56 kick the wife out of your house and this provides security for the wife. This is the divorced wife.
5:04 And you cannot even fabricate conditions and situations to make them so miserable that
5:10 they leave on their own. You must guarantee their house... their housing and staying with their children
5:18 and she will not be the man's wife. He cannot touch her, but she has to stay in that house.
5:24 She must be provided with security of housing, provisions and this is throughout the Quran. So, this is the
5:31 purpose of the dowry. These are the two conditions. There must be a sufficient period of time for the
5:39 two people to know each other and to satisfy the first requirement of love before becoming intimate.
5:57 What is being done now, what my parents did and what is happening in most Muslim
6:02 countries is they actually do the official marriage.
6:10 And then the now-husband and wife, they don't touch each other. They do not become intimate but this
6:16 marriage, official marriage gives them a chance to be together alone, hold hands, go places, know each
6:23 other and then after months or a year or years, the marriage is consummated. And of course during
6:30 this period, if it doesn't work out, they break up. They find somebody else and she is still a virgin
6:38 and she still hasn't lost her chances. This is how my parents got married. This is how my sister got married.
6:46 How long were you... you did the marriage first and then how long was it before consummating the marriage?
6:56 You didn't...
7:05 There were two years between كتب الكتاب which is the...
7:09 Oh, it was an engagement and then two years and then you did official marriage and the consummation
7:16 at the same time. So, you had two years of knowing each other. If I was in Egypt, you wouldn't do it....
7:22 I'm just kidding.
7:28 Oh, you didn't go outside.
7:31 You were all... you had a chaperone... OK.
7:36 I'm satisfied now.
7:44 But this is really the way it is done of most marriages in the Muslim world.
7:51 Worship in Islam and all practices in Islam and all the commandments that God gave us are based on
7:59 self-discipline and self-control. I mean, Ramadan is coming up where you're gonna tell you body
8:05 "you're not gonna eat or drink until sunset." This is self....it takes self-discipline and self-control.
8:14 Where self-discipline and self-control is lost,
8:20 the human being becomes worse than animals and this is... there's a specific reference in the
8:25 Quran for this in SURAH 7 verse 179. God calls some people "they are like animals even worse."
8:35 I mean, what is happening now in this country and in Europe is that
8:42 people meet. They don't even know each other. "Let's hop in bed." This is worse than animals.
8:48 Because you can take a female cat or a female dog or a female horse that is not
8:57 in heat, not in that proper period and put her in the midst of two hundred best-looking horny
9:06 males. Can they touch her? They will not touch her. They cannot touch her because it is not the proper
9:15 time, but with human beings the way it is done now, here, it's a lot worse than animals. They're
9:21 worse than animals and this is... these are the laws that God lays down for our happiness.
9:28 cause
9:31 especially for the woman, I mean, she cheapens herself when she acts this way.
9:38 for the man, too. So, the two requirements... I'm repeating again are that long period of time where people
9:49 must know each other and must fall in love before becoming intimate. So, remember love before intimacy
9:56 and the dowry that is to provide security for the wife.
10:03 Now, the Quran leaves room for forfeiting the dowry if the wife is independently wealthy
10:13 and being married or unmarried or divorced or widowed whatever will not affect her security.
10:18 Then, she can forfeit the dowry. But we have examples of a man who's holding
10:25 a fantastic position and he's wealthy and his ex-wife is on welfare. That's not fair.
10:33 This is what the Quran... this is what God's laws are supposed to avoid a situation like that.
10:40 So, it is to the best
10:44 for the benefit of the girl to demand her right when the situation calls for it.
10:55 Tooboo Ela Allah. Repent.
11:21 ALHAMDU LILLAH, praise be to God. WA ASHHADU AN LA ILAHA ILLA ALLAH WAHDAHU LA SHARIKA LAH,
11:27 and we bear witness that there is no god except the One God.
11:32 The marriage principles are laid down in the Quran must be known to all of us because we come across these
11:37 once in a while and these are the principles God prescribed for us to guarantee perfect happiness.
11:47 And from my experience from life experiences and the things I have seen
11:52 even if it made... if it may look difficult at the beginning
11:59 it is for the best of the couple to follow these prescriptions.
12:07 Quite often you read in the newspapers that "if I don't acquiesce to him, he's gonna
12:12 leave me and find somebody else." Well, let him. He doesn't love you anymore. I mean, he
12:16 doesn't love you. That love is not there. But if the man loves the woman, respects her,
12:23 then he will... she will guarantee a husband who loves her. If you follow these steps,
12:33 you'll be guaranteed happiness from, from the physical and spiritual aspect.
12:46 Self-discipline and self-control
12:51 is easy when the soul is grown and developed and is stronger than the body which is what the
12:57 practices of religion are all about, developing your soul, so it'll be stronger than your body.
13:04 What you hear about Jimmy Swaggart and Jim Baker, it shows that they are people
13:10 whose body is stronger than their soul. I hear they were preaching against adultery and
13:18 preaching the word of God supposedly, and then they are dealing with, with prostitutes.
13:27 And
13:29 for the Muslim, it's.... the Quran provides the solutions to all these
13:35 problems that we find in this country, alcohol, drugs
13:43 marital problems. Solutions to all the problems are found in the Quran.
13:51 We are... we are becoming increasingly aware of the problems of alcohol and the disasters that
13:56 come from it. I mean, wherever you look, there are victims of alcoholism but... and please forgive me
14:04 if I appear to be bragging or anything but I have to share with you what the Quran does, what
14:09 the Islam does to us. It's that alcohol is just not in my mind at all. It's out of the question and
14:17 this is the most effective way of dealing with alcohol or drugs. There's just no way I will be
14:26 tempted or even think about trying whiskey or gin or champagne or whatever those things are.
14:33 It's out of the question. It's just not in my thinking at all, the same with drugs. And there
14:39 was a demonstration on the TV recently with what's... what's his name that had Muslims on the TV
14:46 talking about drugs? Geraldo Rivera. They had a bunch of Muslims and they were talking about drugs and
14:53 they set the example for Harlem or something where drugs are going rampant
14:58 and there's just drugs are not on their mind. Nothing is gonna tempt them to use drugs.
15:09 It's the solution to all problems.
15:13 And there is a mechanism for it and the mechanism is that the
15:16 soul is stronger than the body because of all the prayer and the fasting and
15:21 the things that God has prescribed for us and constitute gifts from God to us.
15:30 And again, I will ask you to forgive me if I appear to be bragging but again I wanna
15:34 share with you what Islam does. Now, in my line of work, working with the United Nations, traveling
15:41 to different countries in the world and making a lot of money. The UN pays the highest salaries
15:47 in the world when I was... when I'm with them on assignment and I have been to conferences
15:55 the American Chemical Society conferences, the American Association for the Advancement of
15:59 science. And in those conferences, it seems like, all the prostitutes of the whole town converge on
16:07 the hotels where these conferences are. And I have looked down and I see scientists that I respect
16:18 going up or down in the elevator with prostitutes and I lose respect for them and what
16:26 appears to be bragging is that I can make a statement here in a KHUTBAH in front of you in
16:31 a prayer that I never never fell for prostitution... for prostitutes or get to the prostitutes and
16:39 because it is not in my mind and Jimmy Swaggart cannot make that statement or Jim Bakker cannot
16:45 make that statement because they lacked... they are using the wrong techniques because of their idolization of
16:54 Jesus, they... they nullify their work. If they do anything that may cause growth or development of their soul,
17:01 it is nullified as the Quran says because of their idolatry. Therefore, their body is stronger than their
17:07 souls but like with alcohols and drugs, it's just not in my mind. Now, to make that statement absolutely
17:15 truth, in saying, dealt with prostitutes, there was one instance where a friend of mine, a colleague
17:21 we went into his room in the hotel in one of the American Chemical Society meetings to get
17:27 a book or something and there was a prostitute passing out in the hall and he called her in
17:31 his room and I guess I was bragging or showing off or something and he bargained with her and I was
17:37 there witnessing this. This is the extent of my dealing with prostitute. So, Islam and the Quran
17:47 just solves all these problems and lays down the laws and regulations
17:56 and and not only teaches self-discipline, but it
18:00 instills it on you and becomes easy. I mean, there's... it's no problem at all.
18:13 God says that you can speak up of God's blessings on you and this is the category where
18:20 we can share with each other these things because some people may think it is incredible when you go
18:28 in those conferences and if you make a statement like this to the people, it's an incredible statement.
18:37 And I just... I just couldn't think of a man who under those circumstances did not, for after the
18:44 things I have seen, under those circumstances did not fall for prostitutes. The temptation is great.
18:51 But for the Muslim, there is no temptation at all. It is zero, doesn't mean a thing.
19:00 AQEM AL-SALAT
19:01 ALLAH-O AKBAR, ALLAH-O AKBAR, LA ILLAHA ILLA ALLAH.
19:06 When you talk about marriage in Islam, you cannot avoid mentioning polygamy and polygamy is
19:14 allowed... throughout history, it was allowed.
19:19 In the Bible, it is allowed without limits. In the Quran, it is allowed with many many
19:23 conditions and strings attached to it. But all I can.... I need to say is that the Prophet Muhammad
19:30 provided the perfect example as far as polygamy is concerned. Muhammad was married to one wife for
19:37 25 years until she died. He had only one wife and he raised all his children with that one wife.
19:47 And after she died, he married women who had many children, who had no support and no home. They were
19:56 widows of his friends who died in battle or died naturally and they needed the support. They were
20:02 old women. There were only two political marriages to the daughter of Abu Bakr and
20:09 the daughter Omar, his best friends who insisted, you know, "please, you have to marry my daughter."
20:18 Because this is a tribal, it's a tribal tradition in tribal societies for tribes
20:23 different tribes to marry and be connected in marriages important and this is probably
20:28 why after the prophet's death, Abu Bakr was elected to be the Khalifa after the
20:33 prophet and Omar followed Abu Bakr. And these are the two men whose daughters were
20:38 married to their prophet. But the message, the loud message here is that Muhammad spent his life
20:45 all his young life with one wife and raised his children and then after that polygamy came into
20:51 the picture and there were many special conditions surrounding that. The other subject that I need to talk
20:59 about is divorce and I just have to tell you how God hates divorce, throughout the Quran.
21:10 Almost invariably children are victimized. Even the husband and
21:15 the wife are victims in divorce and this is why it is imperative that we follow
21:21 these regulations that God prescribed for us and avoid divorce at any cost.
21:28 There's a verse in Quran that says "if you want to substitute a wife in place of another wife..."
21:36 No, this is not the verse.... but there's a verse that says "if you dislike your present
21:42 wife, you may dislike something where in God has put a lot of good."
21:49 The verse that I was mentioning before is "if you want to substitute one wife in place of another"
21:54 which again actually emphasizes monogamy... it says "do not take anything from the first wife back."
22:03 And this also brings in the matter of security for the wife because women have been abused
22:09 throughout history and God knows that and God says in SURAH 28 verse 5 that he is
22:15 for the oppressed and for the rights of the weak and marriage is a tremendous contract, is a
22:21 formidable contract. This is what the Quran calls it. To take a wife out of her house and take her into your
22:31 house supposedly to live forever. You know, there's tremendous responsibilities associated with that.
22:41 So, we pray to God to guide us on His path and to gift... give us the gift of following His...